I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
