tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
