NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
pray to the hookup gods
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
