Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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