you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
