Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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