rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
