At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that's an acceptable place to lick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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