Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
