Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize