your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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