my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
