I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just had sex bonerless
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
