Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
