I hope mine doesn't look like that
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
