Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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