I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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