about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
