I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
