I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
