I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
