I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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