i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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