He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
