You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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