i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
