Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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