His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
