I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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