I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
