shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
