Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
how drunk are you?
Several
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
