so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
