I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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