if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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