I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
