My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
