she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
