If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize