I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
