i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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