We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so explain again why im purple
no
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
