She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
