yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
