This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
