I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
