I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
