dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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