Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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