Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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