No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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