Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I touched a dick in church today
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
