i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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