you guys were way drunker than both of me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
