I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
