I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
