I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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