wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
