i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
