Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize