I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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