I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
