i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
