I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
