The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
