I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
