Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
