How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
