I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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