i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
