I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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